Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
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