she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize