just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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