You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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