K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i love accidental penises.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
