we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
