Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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