New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
