hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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