saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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