3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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