if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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