my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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