I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
