apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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