whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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