His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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