so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
