Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
