i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
