Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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