You're a womanizer and a bitch.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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