Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
