Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize