She's JV to your varsity
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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