Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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