Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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