My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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