It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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