The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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