he shaved USA in his pubs
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
