he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
