Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
