And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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