Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
