I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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