I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
