apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
