Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
MIDGETS
????
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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