John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
