if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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