you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
