I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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