i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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