you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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