You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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