I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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