Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
