He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
