SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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