I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My vagina is very pro this idea
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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