Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize