My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
