Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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