it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize