forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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