ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
