i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
