Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
