you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
