Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
