I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
