You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
