i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
