OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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